1.)Video:
https://youtu.be/4V9kifyzWKs
2.) What stood out to me as I read reviews was the importance of my appearance. I have generally just worn simple clothing i.e. t-shirt, which I have immediately changed that trend and in this video appear to be more professional. Also I need to slow down, which is something that has been pointed out numerous times.
3.) I have altered all my faults from before meaning my appearance and my speaking technique. Instead of mumbling random things for my idea I directly get to the point.
Patrick,
ReplyDeleteMy criticism is going to be less about your business model and more about the presentation. I found that based on the above notations, you did make the noted changes however some of my observations is that it very lackluster. It would have been nice to see a full body and less of head shot presentation. Also some excitement in your tone would be a little more interesting.
One last thing. If you could import the video into your blog instead of posting a link, it would be a much more interesting blog post. Someone told me this in my very first elevator pitch and it made a big difference.
If you would like to check out mine, please follow the link:
http://nicoleslifeatuf.blogspot.com/2016/03/elevator-pitch-no-3.html
Regards,
Nicole
Patrick, I think that although you changed your appearance you could have recorded your presentation in a better way. I suggest standing back and maybe having a friend record you as you explain your business idea and move around. It's important to seem interested in your own propositions! Also, if you have it uploaded to YouTube, you can simply add it directly to your blog post and that would make a big difference. You had a good idea. I think you should expand more on it and mentioning key points. It's good that you got straight to the point but accentuate what would make your venture stand out!
ReplyDeleteHere is mine if you are interested:
http://myentrepreneurshipinizio.blogspot.com/2016/03/elevator-pitch-no-3.html